It's been awhile since I have shared anything with
the cyber-world, and I would like to give a big apology up front.
My recent transition from Texan to Chicagoan has definitely provided a variety of life lessons and the last year of quiet thoughts keeps leading me back to one very large space: limitations. I want to share this entry from my book with anyone who is bored enough to read it, in hopes that there is a deeper understanding of what overcoming this means.
"I do
not long for the good old days, even though I love the remember whens. I do not
think I am a product of my environment; rather I will be a producer of my
environment. I was brought up as close to poverty as one can govern, but my mind
is my wealth. The biggest distinction in my thoughts than the average Joe’s, is
that I will never allow myself to be limited"
This is the unedited chapter of my book, so please forgive the juvenile structure, however my idea is there. The key word and the big, empty space is "limitation".
Isn’t it true that so many of us are conditioned to
be "humble" and "selfless" yet often this is sacrificing
our own personal happiness? Isn’t it true that we set out to take on a job or a
relationship that is merely safe or comfortable rather than a captivating?
Isn't it true that we move linearly in life, possibly having glimpses of
eccentricity, but quickly refocusing back on the path we are told we should
take? I have, time and time again. Most will quit when they experience
rejection, or find their way into a difficult and seemingly irreconcilable
situation. Most will make excuses or appear as a martyr because they have
convinced themselves they have failed. And most will bludgeon their psyche for
doing something viewed as snobbery.
Setting limitations on myself has been the worst evil I have ever accomplished. I allowed myself to grow weary and feel weak because I am, in fact, just a bartender. What I am forgetting, is that I AM a bartender. When was it ever subordinate to make money? Since when has a title ever defined me? How did I forget that? I set limitations on myself and created a life that I drag my feet. I have always had big dreams, and always had big ideas but why do I the feel pressure against me?
Jumping states in order to ground myself from the pretensions
and glittery possessions is what I thought
I was doing. I sold everything I owned, left everyone and every comfort I
had to prove to myself I was not shallow. After many months, weeks, days, and
hours of thought- perhaps my heart was in the right place but my head was ten
steps ahead of me. My point here is not to outline all the "things" I
had or the "things" I did, but to understand that I...and you...got
there because we are limitless.
The world loves the outgoing, loves the dreamers, and
loves the willing and the fearless. They will jump on their shoulders to be a
part of those who they see as heroes in professions, relationships or just in
life. I am by no means a hero, but I am bigger than I am playing in this game
of life.
And that's just it. My life thus far I have thought, I have seen,
I have jumped off a few cliffs without knowing how to operate my parachute.
Somehow, I have managed to land safely. By setting limitations on myself, I
realize I am sacrificing a very large part of me and not inspiring others to
take on their dreams.
Moving forward with my realization, I will
challenge myself to continue the power of the non-linear thinking. I want to be the inspiration in others, even
just a single person, which conjures the courage to stop at nothing. Wouldn’t it be invigorating knowing that “things”
do not define us, but rather it was the work behind it that has granted us the
power to obtain, simultaneously cultivating self awareness, happiness and
inspiration to those who need an extra push”?
I say “limitation-schmimitation”! Don’t settle for anything in life,
because maybe you ARE too valuable not to have everything.
Live out Loud,
Jenn
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